The Pet Diaries
Excerpts from
a Dog's Diary
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 182
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 pm - ooooooo. bath. bummer.
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Excerpts from
a Cat's Diary
Day number
752
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced
to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me from going insane
is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from
ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another houseplant.
Day number
761
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this
at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse
these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.
Day number
765
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in attempt
to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to strike fear
into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what
a good little cat I was .....Hmmm. Not working according to
plan.
Day number
768
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason
I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included
a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick
minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the
piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day number
771
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear
the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call
"beer." More importantly, I overheard that my confinement
was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what
this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day number
774
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return.
He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain
he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the
metal room his safety is assured.
But I can wait
-- it is only a matter of time...
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